The Strangest Invasion
by Engineer Jess
Summary: Another half-sugar-high-done story. Zurg thinks he has finally conquered Capital Planet with his new frost ray... (This has nothing to do with my other stuff.)


Thanks to EMZ for ideas. This fic has some aspects from one MSN chat I had with CBL. Tried to make it different, though. I wrote this mostly during a boring math lesson, so it's sort of demented and doesn't make much sense.

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**The Strangest Invasion**

The city of Capital Planet... bathing in sunshine and happiness. Well, at least the other half of it. Aliens cheerfully teemed along the streets, space rangers patrolled here and there, without knowing that a very, very dark shadow was again hanging above the galactic peace. Although shadows were always dark, this one was darker than ever a shadow had been.

"Muwahahahahaha! Grawahahahhoohahaaah!" a laughter too familiar and threatening echoed in an evil throne room. "Ooh! My magnificent intelligence has created the perfect weapon to take over Capital Planet!" Emperor Zurg paced back and forth in front of his seat. A couple of grubs stood beside His Naughtiness with memos in their hands. The test results of a new, menacing Ultrasuperplus-Death Ray had just come out from the Zurgamiss Science Laboratory. The gun had not actually indicated to be a death ray, but in any case Zurg had decided to call it so. It sounded more sinister, and as being an evil emperor, he had the right to call his inventions with long, extravagant and ominous names.

"Uh, but Your Purpleness, the results were _not_ what they were supposed to be..." a tiny beetle whined scared.

"Ah, indeed. But today I am on such a merciful mood that I shall not set you in the new Z-shaped bubble of torment because of your failure. Hmmhoo, this may not become a habit, though..." the royal tapped his helmet's grill with a fingertip in deep thoughts, "How am I going to maintain my reputation as an _evil_ emperor if I have _merciful moments_?" Abruptly his eyes flew wide in terror, his fists gripped the horns of his mask, and a hysteric bounce-and-jump-dance was done across the floor. "Aagh! The dark side is weakening in me! I need therapy! Grub! Book me immediately on Dr. Vader's next course of '_How to deny the good that still might be in you_'!" he commanded one lackey that instantly whizzed out of the room to fulfill his task. However, now Zurg was ready to take the situation in his claws again.

"Ah, yes. Ohh poo those pathetic interrupting issues! Now, I still am maliciously content with my new Ultrasuperplus-Death Ray. With the aid of it, I am _more_ than able to defeat that ninny Star Command! Uuhahaa! Ooh! Dandy! I feel like Winnie the Pooh with a honey jug!"

The fact was that this baleful arm, once activated, shot a ray that froze everything on its way. It created not just beautiful, glimmering frost, but caused a real Zurgacryonic reaction. Thus, in the very worst case, the Alliance core might soon resemble a giant ice cube. Nevertheless, it was ideal for the evil emperor. Swinging his majestic cape from side to another, today's gloating session was ready to begin. "Ahh, today my little bitty beady poky dream shall be written in the stars! Put the Ultramega-- eh... Ultrahyperdubergiga... bah, whatever. Always those natty names become so long and glorious that even my supreme brains cannot recall them. But! Put the ray ready and I shall soon rule it all! Aim it towards Capital Planet! _Frosty the snowman..._ MUWAHAHAHA!" His red eyes were left perilously to shine in the shady throne room.

Ahh the harmonious calmness of the Capital Planet. Happy couples walked in the parks, the birds sang jovially in a choir... and ZAP! Suddenly all the beauty, all the lively laughs of the children were gone... only a chilly wind blew above the wide snowfields. An eerie view it was. All frozen, into a deep, cold silence. A thick ice layer covered the walls of every building. The poor aliens that had traipsed along the roads, stagnated as abominable glacial statues. The chant of the fowls had ceased, as the frozen pigeons and other tweeters had plumped down from the trees. Oh the horror, oh the horror...

Star Command HQ's fate was as comfortless. The formerly so magnificent base orbited its mother now as an icebound Frisbee. Oh the sorrow, oh the wail... 

"Oh the sorrow, oh the wail... Ruhahhahhahaa! Iiihihii, this is my most diabolical scheme ever!" a metallic sonus mocked the planet beneath. The dark, black shadow of the Dreadnaught cast its thunderous figure above the dead-like town. The wind whirled the snowflakes here and there, welcoming the new, atrocious ruler. Zurg stood on a sliding ramp, followed by a few hornets and grubs that had warm woolen caps and mittens on.

"Ahh just what I have been dreaming since I was just a wee evil genius! Orchestra!" he clicked his fingers, asking a band of minions to come and play some imposing conquering music. Nonetheless a couple of poor beetles got charred, as they blazed the beginning titles of _Buzz Lightyear of Star Command TV-Show_ in the air. Not really the symphony the self-proclaimed ruler of the galaxy wanted to hear.

"NOT THAT ONE! Quasars! I have my _own_ theme music! And it's dark, violet, portentously gloomy with an airy touch of march in it. Do I need to _sing_ it to you, you coffee-grounds-eared unmusical toffee-brains? Pfiff!" Hence it was the Emperor's task to let an aria ring so that at least he himself could accompany this rare moment of victory. Wagner's _Ride of the Valkyries_ resounded grandly as his voice reached all the complex figures. If Zurg had not been an evil emperor, he might have had a brilliant career as an opera singer. At least the servants admiringly followed his one-man parade, as he with closed eyes bawled the notes through his teeth plate, arm swinging in the air to make dramatic emphasis.

**Meanwhile...******

Star Cruiser Forty-Two glided in space with medium speed. It seemed to be another one of these dull days, when the crew either read comics or watched XR's home movies that told about him getting blown up on different planets. Only Buzz was nervous. His famous ranger instinct had been beeping the whole day like an overactive pager. He kept suspiciously glancing all the time around from under his crumpled brows. A good effect to make his intuitive expectations look even more imminent.

"Zurg is up to something... it's too silent, too silent... I have a _very_ bad feeling about this..."

"Wouldcha Captain leave the sci-fi movie-quotes sometimes away?" the robot yawned. "That line belongs to Duke Skycanister from _Star Jars_. I know we all need role models, but still..."

Lightyear did not listen to him. He was dead sure that the enemy had spread his black cape over the Alliance once again. "I'm calling the Commander. I can't take this suspense any more! I need to know if everything is alright there!"

Not a birr responded to his continuous dials. Finally he slapped shut the communicator, and accelerated the ship. If Nebula did not answer, there was something definitely wrong this time! And soon the miserable panorama widened in front of them in all its melancholy. The beautiful Capital Planet was one immense snowball, Star Command circulating it as a poor popsicle. Everyone's eyes flew to saucers, yelps filling the cockpit.

"Sweet mother of Venus! Zurg has frozen our capital! I knew he had some trick in his evil purple pocket!" Buzz guided the ship down into the planet's atmosphere. Hornets were nowhere to be seen. The Emperor had thought his destruction to be so thorough, that no 'futile' reinforcements would be needed. The imperial flagship was the only craft he had with him. As they say, always make a plan B... But certain persons never remembered to do that.

42's scanners soon spotted the vile figure of The Dreadnaught. It floated above the Government's buildings, a few guardian robots keeping watch. Life pullulated nowhere; that spookily glazed whiteness filled everything. Team Lightyear's quick (and also less rapid) brains scrutinized the situation, building up a rescue plan.

"Booster and XR, you'll take the shuttle and fly to Star Command", the Captain ordered. "I remember the LGM's had one of those defrosting rays somewhere in the science bay. I think they once made one, in case that that cursed Zurg might try something like this. But perhaps they were not ready for his fiendishly clever attack!"

"Buzz and I will handle the situation here. Although a Star Cruiser is perhaps not the real match against the Dreadnaught, we'll try. It seems that Zurg is not inside there", Mira added.

The man narrowed his eyes. "Now it's just _me and you_, evil Emperor Zurg! It will be a duel of fates..." he whispered extravagantly theatrically. The green-white vessel was leaded downwards. Munchapper and the mecha breezed towards the HQ with top speed.    

-----------

The city hall had been cleaned so much that the evil emperor was able to celebrate his victory there. A gloating ceremony was gone through, as well as a Z-flag was put to flap on the flagpole. In front of a giant blackboard were planned terrible schemes to change the peaceful planet into something diabolically baleful. Surrounded by a flock of lackeys, Zurg sketched his drafts onto the board.

"Ahh I shall name this pathetic puny rock to _Capital Z_. Pssht, no. That shall remind me too much of that lack-wit Alliance. Make it Planet ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ instead. Once the puny helpless citizens are molten, they shall become my slaves. And here..." he knocked the drawn-out city map with a fingertip, "Here is the house of that triple- no, tetra-cursed Buzz Lightyear. His hut will be ripped down and my statue built instead. I need a good sculptor. Most of the idiotic lack-talent scribblers make my wide chest and massive biceps too small. That I shall not bear. I have over seven feet height and an awe-inspiring body, so ONCE BETTER MAKE IT LOOK GOOD!" A petty outburst of anger interrupted his creative moment. "Hmm... and then... we need good electricity resources for my upcoming factories of evilness. But NO giant reactor cores! It is always the fate of the evil emperor to fall into one of those, so that will just be disastrous for me! This time we shall make tidy little cute reactors that we put in series. That is Jim-kraken-dandy. Yes, now onto other piquant topics. Here we shall build a mischievous muffin plant, here a cinema that will show films about my feats of rudeness twenty-five hours a day. In the schools shall be taught only one alphabet and that is Z. And here..."

But perhaps the dark side had had its summit for now, and it was the time to fall down from the fir-tree. A distant roar namely reached Zurg's ears, something that was nastily recognizable. Abruptly he winced, his hair rising up under the mask.

"Whawawawawawawawhat was _THAT_?" He could not believe what he had just heard. The beetles around him just shrugged; perhaps to them it was nothing else but a louder squall. But their master took long traipses towards the main entrance of the city hall. More powerful it would have looked like if he had hovered, but today he had forgotten to wear his rocket boots in the middle of all the rush and hullabaloo. However, he had been right in his sudden fearful expectations. A Star Cruiser floated in the sky, blasting his hornets broken. It had done effective job just in a few minutes, and soon ready to land right onto the marble-paved yard of the public building.

"No! No! NONONONONONO! NOT Forty-Two again!" the aghast villain grabbed once more the headpiece's horns, doing a manic ballerina show across the entrance. Again, again Team Lightyear had somehow found a loophole. They were supposed to be frozen with the rest of Star Command, were they not? "Why me, WHY ME? And I had such a jolly good day! Why does it _always_ have to be Buzz Lightyear foiling my plans? Why do they not sometimes put persons like Spiderman or Harry Potter or the Powerpuff Girls or Men in Black to fight against me? I could scare those pitiable mollycoddles away with one heinous growl!" Next the enemy was about to command an army of hornets to destroy the police spacecraft, but was caught in cataplexy. He was almost alone, since most of the droids were either in ashes or as smoldering junk piles on the ground. Every insect had scampered scared somewhere inside the public buildings. One of them had quivered in the shelter of his cape for a few seconds, but soon had also vanished.

Zurg's helmet turned pale. The launch tubes of 42 had opened up, and Lightyear with Nova dived out. Their wrist lasers smashed the rest of the yellow tin wrecks. And there the Emperor still stood, in the open doorway of the city hall. He would need to abscond and without delay if he ever wanted to survive.

There was a huge dilemma facing him. How to get away? His hovering throne was inside the Dreadnaught, and just today, he had not his handy rocket boots on. Oh, what a degradation for his Mischievousness!  He would need to take a depreciatory action and _run with his own legs?_ How rude! But both Buzz and Mira had spotted him already, so the options were scarce. It was their duty to snatch that terrible foe that was made unarmed. The space khan had tried a trick with his disintegrator ray, but for his extremely bad luck, the crystallic fusion batteries were all worn out.

So, desperately Zurg started fleeing the chasing space rangers. The knee-high snow ahead was not the perfect road for escaping, but somewhere he would need to dash. He had not even understood that the planet's surface would be this impassable after the frost-ray usage. Besides, where would he go now? The flagship would be his asylum, but he was not able to get up there. The sole alternative: to go to hide!

"Curse you Buzz Lightyear! Always coming to blemish my plans!" he snarled metallically, glancing over his shoulder. Mira and the Captain had activated their jetpacks, thus coming fast on the tail.

"Jumping Hooloovoo!" he shrieked in terror, not really looking the way where he was stumbling as much as the boots allowed. It already felt nasty, since the left shoe was half-filled with cold, slushy snow that had soaked his sock. Ahead was a long outdoors staircase leading down to the street beneath. Now it was an icy descend, the steps as slippery as banana peels. Relieved by the impression that there was a snow-free area father on, the Emperor bounced away from the snowdrift, slipping immediately.

_Clonk-clonk-clank-thunk-thunk-thunk-thunk-doing-clang-bonk!_The purple bucket-head fell down the stairs, his hinterland hitting every single step's edge.

"Ouch-ouch-ow-auch-ick-iff-yiks-ouch-gak-ack-uiks!" he growled in pain, finally after the 511 echelons finding himself sliding down the slithery pavement, towards a big trash can at the end of it. _Thunk_! The horn-helmet hit it first, putting Zurg to see little spinning izzards for a moment. Quickly he still managed to get up, but got into more trouble. His shoes just could not keep him in balance, and more falling flat went on. Occasionally he nearly swam in the snowdrifts, and of course getting every garment full of snow. Even his helmet was half-full of it, and it froze the grill almost completely.

"Grrmfffbfff Bff Bifgfyrr!" the bashed royal shook a fist towards the soaring Lightyear who achieved him with a good speed. It was virtually impossible to speak as the loudspeaker had gone broken. However, he would need to get up from this dilemma and escape! The hollers of Team Lightyear's two members reached him too poignantly. No one would catch him, especially not his arch-foe Buzz!

As his last hope, Zurg spotted a half-frozen, old-fashioned bicycle leaning against one wall. This had survived better under the influence of the Ultrasuperplus-ray, and would perhaps even work! Hence he swung himself on it, starting to pedal so that sparkles flushed after him. The bike took a swift speed. It gave him a new hope, but a gloating done in a wrong place in a wrong time was quite calamitous. The hem of his long robe got stuck in the middle of the rear wheel's spokes. _Screep_! The fine canvas got ripped until his waist, and locked the wheel so that the bicycle stopped like a stubborn donkey right on the spot. More horror. The emperor flew over the handlebars, and the whole lower part of the robe got torn off, revealing his soaked boots and trousers. What a shock. Why had he put today these spare trousers on? The ones that were discolored in the laundry? They had been brilliantly purple one day, until Warp Darkmatter had accidentally washed them together with his red shirts, with wrong washing powder. Hence they had turned to bright pink. And today the mighty Emperor had not found any other ones to put under the frock, since it surprisingly was a laundry day on Planet Z, his all other jeans and pants rolling in the washing-machines.

"I guess it's over now, Evil Emperor Zurg!" Buzz deactivated his jetpack by pushing the red button on his chest plate. Agreeing Mira stood beside him, a stun-frequency laser tuned towards the villain. The foe was indeed a sad view. He sat shivering half-buried in snow, tears trickling from his eyes. His helmet had a big lump in the place of the left cheek, the other horn was crooked downwards, the grill frozen and missing a tooth from the plate, and the other red lens had got loose during all the smashing and colliding. A brown, depressed eye peeked through the hollow socket. The imposing imperial outfit was all ruined, ultimately now when the pink trousers had got broken from knees. Whimpering the beaten man tried to raise a fist up, but there was not very much strength left in him. The tears and humiliation took over.

"Pfffssswwwwuuuuhhuuhhuuuuu!" the loudspeaker sniveled. "Zuwg neews a hug!"

"You will be arrested because of all the diabolic deeds you have done!" Buzz crumpled his brows, not at all on a compassionate mood. "Once we get all the innocent citizens and brave space rangers defrosted, you'll have a lot to explain in front of the Supreme Court!"

"Sniff!"

"Now, hands behind your back! You're gonna get nice plasma-handcuffs---" the Morphean was about to request, conversely the Princess' holler made him turn about.

"Look out, Buzz!" But it was too late. A dashing hovering throne that came from behind him, knocked him unconscious. At least fifty bugs were standing on it in a disordered pile, one of them steering it with a remote control. This was a rescue operation arranged by the servants, to gather the missing fellows away from the City Hall, and to pick up their ruler. Although Zurg was not always the nicest master, he still sometimes told the beetles exciting bedtime stories, tugged them in, and gave them tiny delicious muffin-treats and candy bars to eat. As the Emperor saw the show, he with his last powers hauled himself up to sit on the top of the insect heap. With a bolt the absurd formation spurted away, towards the Dreadnaught.

Mira pondered for a second, what to do. Perhaps it was better to let the Emperor go than to start foolhardily fighting solo against the forces of evil. And someone would need to revive Buzz, who half-conscious blabbered something about Nana Lightyear forcing Buzzy Boy to comb his hair neat and put a little sailor's suit on.

-------

Once again the day was saved by Team Lightyear. The evilness had suffered, and the justice and goodness won. With the aid of the Defrost-O-Matic that Booster and XR found in the stocks of Star Command HQ, the ice age was soon over. From a nearby asteroid it was convenient to aim the melting ray towards the targets. Zurg's horrible weapon namely had not caused any very serious harm to the popsicle-citizens. They would be themselves again after the de-icing, the side effects being perhaps a cold or a dripping nose. Though, as the snow had molten, the Alliance Core resembled for a while a large mudhole. In time, the happiness and sunshine were ready to wander back. Though... the birds did not quite allow their merry melodies to flutter together with the joyous sunbeams. They sat in the trees little scarves around their necks, coughing and sneezing. 

And it would take a while for Zurg to recover from his flu that he had caught because of the snow-adventures. Sputtering he sat on his throne, wrapped in a quilt, his bare, hairy shanks swimming in a hot footbath. But while wiping the helmet's nose with a big tissue, he still could not admit that evil never wins. "Cubse you, Buww Bightywar---aaaahhh---AATCHOO! Sniff!"


End file.
